Moonlight Insomnia

I cannot sleep when the moon is bright,

I simply can't, try as I might.

Silver light streams across my face,

And slips through the leaves, turning to lace.

Down the windowsill, and spilling on the floor,

It saunters into my head, banging open the door.

You, them, her, It and we,

Him's and I's are all set free.

Bright eyes and moonlight are dangerous things,

They'll keep you awake like the song someone sings.

And I have to get up, you know that I do.

The moon should keep to herself, all these visions of you.

But there's not much to be done, I just squeeze my eyes tight,

To wait it all out and for morning light. 

p.s.

'ear 'ear

My whole body shook with terror.
I sucked in a breath, to appease my gasping knees.
Or tried to.
But my lungs weren't taking oxygen at that time.
Which was a shame, because my heart was already off and racing.
Desperately I tried again, but it was too late.
Too late.

~

I was ready. I was braced.

The world was going to end, everything was going black.

I saw you then. I saw... You.

But the world was still so wonderfully green.

Isn't that all wrong?

But, oh.

Oh right.

p.s. 
I totally found a piece of wood that looks like an ear. How cool is that?

Walk

   Walk. Stop running from care.
In fact, sit down and crawl for a bit.
    I'm lying here with you.
My knees are bleeding too, our wounds are twin expressions of integrity.
    So hold my hand and stop for a bit.
Walk. For once, slow down.
    Say hello and smile at me with your eyes.
Or better yet, smile with me,
    And we'll brighten the day of every passerby.
Walk. Walk with me.

xx

To You

Dear Cally,
Hi. Sweet is the best word for you and I like that you both know that and kinda don't. I'm not very good at composing good blogger-girl comments, so may I just say: I like your blogs posts. XD Someday I will send you that book and when I do, there will be chocolate with it that to make up for my tardiness. What's your favorite kind?
~Love,
     Becca 

Dear Adelaide,
Hi. I feel kinda sneaky putting this here, since you're not a follower, so I'm kinda like a ninja. You have gotten me utterly hooked on The Hunts.  And it is terribly frustrating because they don't have nearly enough songs for me to find and listen to. Other than that, it's fun to hear about you through the grapevine.
~Love,
     Becca 


Dear Lady Em,
Hiya! I still feel both a bit proud and bad for the April Fools prank I pulled, but hey, had to be done. I beat my old weight for the backsquat at CrossFit this evening, and tied with Cori. If I were to add a new color to my wardrobe, one that I don't already wear often, what should it be?
~Love,
     Becca


Dear Cameron,
Please forgive me. Really.
~Love,
    Becca 


Dear Embers,
Hi. You're just plain old neat. I always admire those who can wholeheartedly and unabashedly love what they love, and still be rational human beings. Doctor Who, etc. So good job. I don't always comment on your blog when perhaps I should, but I promise I read them all and enjoy them. What's a song I should listen to?
~Love,
    Becca 


Dear Jordy,
So I was at the store the other day and Mom was taking forever shopping for plants or something, so my sisters and I were in the section with paper and things. And I saw these stationary cards with foxes on them, in a style that I very much thought you would approve of. On a completely different note, when's your birthday?
~Love,
      Becca


Dear Everyone Else,
You're important too, I simply didn't have as much to say to you here as these others. *grins*
~Love,
     Becca 


p.s.
Been gone for a while. Trying to come back.

p.p.s.
See my new header? Autumn painted that. 

i can't actually take pictures

Have you ever tried to take pictures from muleback? It's much more difficult than you might think.

p.s.

Yup, I put a fern on Myrtle's face. She was thoroughly confused. 

everything you'll never have

Welcome to something you'll never understand
To something so wild, it will burn the heart out of you

You may never know how you got here
Tumbling in a whirlwind of happenstance 
But this is everything you'll never have and more

You came, thinking to splash in a puddle
I still remember the look on your face when you fell down a well instead 

It's almost a shame, for you to be so blind
But the we both know the truth would sear your soul so badly, 
You'd never see again.

The confoundingly simple truth. 

p.s.

I woke up before everyone this morning and made this flower wreath. Then I went and woke up my little sister to wear it. This is approximately five seconds after she woke up.  

happy happy happy

Tag.

Cally, in all her supreme sweetness, tagged me for the happiness tag. And she 
couldn't have picked a better time, because life is fantastic at the moment. Cousins, cows, chickens, God, good grades, etc. ;) So here we go! 



books: James Herriot, forever and always. His life and veterinary stories have always captured my imagination, as well as being just exactly the right kind of sentimental. Other books that make me particularly happy are mostly ones I've read dozens of times, years ago. The Farthest Away Mountain, The Fairy Rebel, The Island of Blue Dolphins. Oh, and The Swiss Family Robinson. It's about homesteading, survival, discovery, animals, and pretty much everything good.

words: Darling, crustacean, trample, remarkable, rolling, waterfall, tumble, twirl, catch, worm, bovine, love, remembered,  crystal, wooden, bottle... Heh. 

movies & tv: Weeeell. I love Newsies. Crutchy and Mush, yup yup. Anne of Green Gables is super nostalgic... Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn are hilarious. And yes, Merlin is pretty great too.  Lord of the Rings, Tintin

scents: Grass, cow breath, lilacs, violets, Dad, (you are too right Jordy) dirt, rain, sunshine (hush up, it does too have a smell) cedar, sweat and grease, river water 

songs: Oh boy. So many. Hum, at the moment No Hopers and Jokers and Rouges is my theme song. Just listen to the lyrics... It's exactly what I want to tell everyone I meet. Because they're all either no hopers, jokers or rouges. Or all of them at once. And SOMEONE ought to tell them it's okay. Also,  most Celtic music and anything catchy or lyrically interesting. 

miscellany: Ah ha, here it is. My cow Clouds makes me so ridiculously happy. She's much too much of a darling and I adore her. My other cows are fantastic too, but she's the original. 
Catching worms in the middle of the night while it's raining (they're huge and I love them). Insects, good things, music. Chocolate. Duh. 


Nominees: Cameron C'mon, get your rear in gear and blog something.
Emily So I went to go grab the link to your blog and then right below your name it said, "Lady Emily is your friend." and taken out of context and read in a low whisper was really quite creepy. 
Cassie HAPPY AAAHHAHAHHAHA *falls on face*

happy Valentines Day, you lot. it's a silly holiday, but hey. at least you get to buy yourself lots of chocolate. (although i keep getting asked if it's a gift and i am forced to admit that i fully intend to eat it all myself) 

                                                                                    x

         listen up

We tripped over time they placed as our stumbling block

Forced to acknowledge the tick of the clock

Too swift and too slow, they somehow expected both from us.

So tread softy through this world, and don't let them catch you.

x

In Which I Turn Robber

reading: Psalms.
- I'm in chapter twelve right now
- Help, Lord, for the godly are no more; and the faithful have vanished among men (12:1)
- which is the distinct feeling I get after interacting with the humans at community college
- But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. (13:6)
- good thing I have that too

enjoying: big storms and power outages
-I love it when the house is dark
-so you cook on the wood stove
-milk your very favorite cow by the light of a dying flashlight
-and write terrible poetry in front of the fire
-also, bugs.

listening to: I of the Storm By Of Monsters And Men
-mostly because of that one line
-Bastille, always
-Phantom of the Opera. always
-Josh Garrels always
-pretty much everything always muhahaha

writing: haaaaaa
-you don't wanna know
-but really, mostly essays and stuff
-some bad poetry but mostly essays

excited for: Christmassssssss duh
-we're having a Christmas Ball
-for me and mah sista's birthdays
-but we're only telling people it's for Christmas
-which is funny to me
-snow
-guys, someone died for you
-

watching: uh, youtube?
-yeah, youtube
-when I have time

learning: how not to die
-no, i'm failing at that
-how not to forget what I'm here for
-how very broken this world is
-but also that there is comfort for the broken
-what kind of courtship ritual crane flies undergo
-the males grab at any other legs they feel to see if it's a female
-if it feels like a male or is the wrong diameter, like a wire (which researchers offered them) they let go
-c'mon guys, don't try and tell me that's not amazing
-...

stealing: the idea for this post from Cally Declan
-kudos and many thanks to her
-just typed cooties instead of kudos and it made me giggle
-k bye

p.s.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alterations finds;

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no: It is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not even with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

     If this be error and upon me proved,

     I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

                                       -Shakespeare, sonnet 116

Sometimes, you grow weary of your own tiresome words. 

So you borrow someone else's. 

When she saw their stories as colorful strands, she couldn't help but tug on them.

She gently coaxed the silver out, to discover it knotted tightly to the black.

And the pink was tainted with a sickly green, from being wound so tight about it.

But one color was always intact, and that was the desperate strand of gold,

hidden at the center of things.

Not always long, or bright, but always to be found.

She worked some strange magic she didn't understand and unraveled them down to their souls, 
till all that remained was a raw, tangled pile of colorful string.

But what to do with them then, she hasn't yet figured out. 

*dances*

Character Cast: One-Hundred Acre Wood

I'd like to introduce you to a few of the characters of my mind, or rather, the One-Hundred Acre Wood. Because that's what my mind is really like. A magical forest I wander about in. These characters are always competing for a say with me. But there they are, so I shall introduce you.

Firstly, there is Winnie the Pooh.

Obviously, one of the main characters in the One-Hundred Acre Woods. Incurably innocent and being a bear of very little brain, he says things like,

And does things like, being a bear of very little brain, decides to invite the new sound in. And then hopes nobody answers. Which leads to the next person.

Who can be summed up in this link: Watch me scare the stripes off of this impostor, ho ho.

And the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that I'm the only one. 

Then there's Eeyore. 

He is not nearly as vocal as the others, more like a gloomy entity shlumping about in corners, but he is still a key character in the workings of the One-Hundred Acre Wood. I suppose if these are the people running loose in my cognition, it ought to make me Christopher Robin, but he's a pansy, so he doesn't count.

There are many others, but they are the important ones right now. And odd as all of this may sound, the accuracy of it is astounding. Ta.

You have no idea.

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?

Source

I don't have time for all this

That's what I think.

There are things to see, places to go, bugs to find and people to love. And I don't have time for all this extra stuff.

And then Someone tells me I have time. All the time in world.

So I believe Him and breath again.

p.s

This is the result of starting community college and stressing and dying and praying like crazy about it and finding it to be nowhere near as bad as you expected it to be. And having fresh memories of wonderful times doesn't hurt either.

p.p.s

It's a Bastille kind of evening

i died today

It didn't hurt

With a salute to no one, I shoved off the bank and plunged into the river

The cold embraced me lovingly, and wrapped long fingers all around me

Now I am dead

It's not that bad, you know

The empty nothingness is bliss compared to everything before

It's like sleeping 

So much like sleeping
                               
                               But now
                                                 I realize 
                                                                   It's time to wake up
                                                                                                      And come back to things
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                     Back to life 
                                   
                                                                                                     Back to everything
   
                                                                                                    And back to nothing

                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                   But better me than you

P.S

  ow.
P.S.S
depressing poems, wooo

Pinterest

How are you? You're fine, of course.

I'm the same as always.

Same old ache, same old remorse. 

Nothing's really changed, not for me.

Not true of you.

You gave up on me, ever so slowly. 

So how do I say I'm sorry? 

To someone who never asked for anything.

How do I forgive,

Someone who has never wronged me?

And I hate that my words are the same as everyone else's.

But I have something they don't and to that I am forced to cling.

To the comfort of a King. 

P.S

Guys, I am leaving on Monday for Alaska. And I won't be back until the end of the month, so farewell until then.  :)

The Things Nobody Else Sees

The things nobody else sees

The things I see alone

The lovely grace in my grove of trees

An ancient bovine's crumbling bones

These are a few things I see alone

An mammal is breathing I N and O UT

It's breathing.

Don't you get it?

No, you don't.

You've never seen.

\\\///

An insect is moving, creeping, crawling

It's moving. 

Don't you get it?

No, you don't.

You've never seen.

You may have looked,

A fleeting glance granted

But you've never seen,

You just looked and were unenchanted

Looked and kept on walking

Have you ever seen?

Are you another who comprehends?

How often I've imagined you,

Imagined being what they call friends

But maybe it's just me....

Seeing the things nobody else sees.

p.s

 to accompany a rambly post

Aren't brains funny things?

I was talking with my siblings the other day about how their different brains look on the inside. This isn't an uncommon conversation here, but this time all five of us were involved.

And we all have radically different kinds of heads.

For example, my oldest sister Cassie and my brother Zack apparently have 3D brains. With gears and wires and blueprints floating around. Cassie says that it would be easiest to explain if she had a projector to show me with. 

 Cassie

Zack would like this. 

Sister Cori just has this big swirling mass of colors and impressions, with no words at all. You know that yellow/pink and black cloud thing you see when you close your eyes? I imagine it a lot like that and she says that's pretty accurate. 

Cori

Mine is words and conversations, with the occasional picture from a memory. And completely linear. I could articulate everything in my head in a steady stream of nonsense. I have about three voices, one is my regular voice and the other two are just made up.

This is the best I could find for me, mostly because I haven't been able to sleep much lately because of  thinking too much. 

Youngest sister Autumn says her brain looks like a heart. Which isn't at all surprising with her emotional orientation. Everything has emotional implication for her.

Autumn agrees, I'm sure.

SOOOO this post did originally have a point but I got lost finding nice Pinterest quotes. XD

What does your mind look like? I'm sure there are more than four or five different sorts of  minds out there.

a song 

Photo:Pinterest

It's well after midnight, and I'm not asleep,

Outside my window the stars twinkle and wink

Lifting my head, I speak into the night, 

But my sister's asleep, her eyes closed tight

So I climb from my bed and trip on the mess on the floor,

Dash the rest of the way and slip out the door

Once in the barnyard, I glance up at the moon,

Hanging low, illuminating the gloom

Smiling now, I increase my speed,

Enjoying my secret, be it a common enough deed

Now through the barn, now through the field,

and up on the hill, a concrete water tower is revealed

The view from up there is the best one around,

The white mountain, the valley; in the distance, a town

Settling down, I gaze up at the sky,

Wondering whether to laugh or to cry

Instead, I pray to the God who is the giver of all good things,

Of deep roots and butterfly wings

So many people need a church to feel close,

They need the words and the songs to keep them afloat

Or someone to tell them, "You're doing it right!"

To hold their hand when bright days turn to night

But I have been given a different way,

I see his love in creation every day

The creatures of dirt, and the ones of sky,

These are the things he shows his love by

I won't forget and neither should you

If you just look at a tree or the sky oh-so blue.

In the meantime, it's well after midnight and I'm still not asleep.